I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize