week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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