good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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