Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do herpes really smell.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
