last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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