There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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