just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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