I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
