Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
