Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
