What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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