If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
