is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
