I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
