He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
