Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
