RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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