Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
