Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
