so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
