dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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