Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
