They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
