Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
