The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
