How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
