I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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