If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
