Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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