No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
