Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
