i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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