My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
