If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Duck Duck Cougar?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
