so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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