I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
