she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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