Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
