I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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