belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
