Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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