Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
