My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
