Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
