Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
