This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
