can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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