It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
