Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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