Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
