He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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