Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
