Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
