shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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