I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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