What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
