She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
