I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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