look no pants
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
