so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need water and some morals
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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