Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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