I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
