I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
