And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
