I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
