I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
