But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
