to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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