stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
