Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
