You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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