She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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