Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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